When Love is a Very Complicated Equation
by 1angelette
Summary: Samantha, daughter of Won and Chelsea, moves to ForgetMeNot Valley to take over a farm, forget about her past and maybe find romance. But fate has a sense of humor, and a certain phantom thief is soon knocking at her door. UNEXPECTED ROMANCE BOOK 2 R
1. Of Breakins and Unexpected Kisses

**(A/N: Okay, this is the sequel to TCtFaaWLA: ALS, starring The Girl Dabbing Her Eyes. I know I promised you "Not-So-Typical Love Story" and "What a Girl Wants" and "That Different Girl", even though you don't know what those are yet. Also, if you read that and are expecting a similar story, I'm going to disappoint you. This is much more of a romantic drama, but a lot of jokes borrowed from "Married With Freaks" are slipping in anyway... Oh, and if you gouge your eyes out from bad writing, I am NOT responsible. Well, I kinda am... Anyway, future chappies should be better!)**

Chapter One: They Meet in an Entirely Non-canon event

Samantha stood, looking at the farm she'd just bought in Forget-Me-Not Valley, wondering if she'd gotten lost.  
Surely, this couldn't be the gigantic farm that Jack and Nami had run together a century ago, followed by Miro and Kate, Suki and Marc, and now Jack, who had died last week.  
Coincidentally, that was the same date as the death of her parents last week, Won and Chelsea, but this was something Samantha chose not to dwell upon, as that was why she had gotten on the train here; so she could move on with her life. Anyway.  
This farm was a mess, though. Lots of rocks, weeds, and branches. Reminded her of the stories Mom told her about the farm when she first came to Mineral Town. And there was a little old dude, calling himself Takurakura, or something like that, and loudly explaining all of the intricacies of running a farm, despite the fact that Samantha had never been more than three miles away from a farm in her entire life, so she probably knew a damned thing or two about how to run one.  
But, thankfully, Takurakura seemed to consider his work done, for he finally gave her some turnip seeds and left. Samantha tilled the ground with her hoe, and planted the seeds, and watered them. Then, incredibly tired, she wandered over to the house and went to sleep.  
And all that was three weeks ago. The farm had been doing well. She'd had three turnip harvests so far, and gotten herself a very nice chicken that she kept outside. So Samantha was fully ready to go to sleep right now, and her head was about to touch the pillow when she felt a pointy corner poke td/tdagainst her cheek. Confused, she reached over to the pillow and felt a card. Picking it up, she muttered out loud what was written on the card:  
"(in lavish big print) Steiner! (in normal print) The Thief/Pimp/Chef/Rapist/Magician!" Samantha looked up at the ceiling, and then yelled to the world,  
"WHO DOES THIS STEINER FREAK THINK HE IS?"  
"Did somebody call my name?" Samantha looked very pale, then slowly turned around. Some... guy... was leaning against the wall by her door. Specifically, a guy with long silver hair and some... weird clothes. Yeah...  
"Yes, that's me. I am... Steiner!" The audience gasped in shock. NOT!  
"How did you get here? I don't see any broken windows!"  
"You left the door unlocked."  
"Crap."  
"So, you know who I am. I've come to steal something..."  
"But what is there to steal?" Samantha sounded nervous; she was backed up against the table with her diary on it, and Steiner was leaning against the chair closest to her now, hands clenched on the chair's back.  
"Don't lie to me, Samantha." Now Samantha was almost sitting on the bed, holding a pillow to her chest.  
"How the hell do you know my name?"  
"Oh, you'd be surprised..." Steiner was leaning over Samantha, who was spread out along the sheets.  
"Damnit, if you're going to do what I think you're planning on doing, I am going to murder you some- mmph!" The "mmph!" was the result of Samantha feeling Steiner's lips on her's.  
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR? You're supposed to keep that for chapter 4 at least!"  
"Oh, bad bad girly! You're supposed to keep that 4th wall nice and intact! I don't want it broken! Besides, I can tell I stole your first kiss. Adieu!" And with that, Steiner blew her a kiss and snapped his fingers... and nothing happened...  
"DAMN!" He scurried out the front door.  
"Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll wake up and this'll be a dream..." Samantha shrugged and promptly fell asleep.


	2. Of Sheet Music and Flirtacious Remarks

Chapter Two: In which they really meet and the path of the story becomes clear.

**A/N: Yep, now the canon events start getting twisted! Things will probably run less smoothly than the prequel did, due to my lack of possession of this game, but who cares! Please enjoy and give feedback!**

Later, Samantha would blame herself for working too late that summer evening. But it had been hot, and she'd had lots and lots of pinapples to take care of. So now it was 10 PM and she was determinedly trudging to the Manison, because she was determined to say "hello" to Lumina every single day so she (Lumina) would finally confess that she was actually Rock's friend.  
And here she was, striding across the main path, but all of a sudden she bumped into something...  
Correction: SomeONE. Specifically, somebody who had been sneaking out of the manison with Lumina's sheet music under his arm...  
"YOU! That thief/pimp/rapist/chef/magician!" Samantha screamed, pointing her finger at Steiner, while Steiner pointed his finger at her and screamed,  
"YOU! That girl who doesn't think I'm a little prince for all the maidens to love!" There was a pause. "Oooh, but you remembered all the names on the card? Sweet." He winked flirtily at her.  
"Hi, Samantha, what brings you- YOU!" Lumina was interrupted in her greeting by the fact that she noticed Steiner and found this an opportune moment to point a finger at him. "It's YOU! Steiner the Phantom Thief! Steiner, the hottie that stole my sheet music! I demand that you stop, in the name of... damn, I haven't watched enough Sailor Moon to remember what she says in the face of dan- HEY! Stop getting away!"  
For it was true, Steiner was getting away while Lumina had been talking.  
"A BEAUTIFUL FACE IS SPOILED BY ANGER!" He yelled while he ran and ran and ran and... Lumina blushed violently?  
"Whatever..." Samantha sighed. She exited the scene and went back home.


	3. MAIDEN CHICK BEAM!

Chapter Three: It's... THE MAIDEN CHICK BEAM!

Time passed. A lot of it.

Pineapples were planted.

Pineapples were harvested.

Pineapples were given to a playboy in exchange for free food.

Pineapples were taken away from a playboy and thrown at them after a playboy tried to peek down a certain farmergirl's shirt.

After taking care of the pineapples every day, plates of curry rice were mysteriously left in the valley by Samantha's house.

Curry rice mysteriously disappeared.

Roses and chocolate were left by Samantha's house.

And it could be said that, as Summer turned into Autumn, a feeling of friendship rose in the breast of a young farmergirl.

Could is written here because if it was actually said, a young farmergirl would go all Mystrile Axe on your ass.

In other words, life went on.

So, one day, in the pouring rain, on a Monday, after harvesting some of those "Goddess-damned" sweet potatoes, while red autumn leaves fell, at the end of an extraordinarily long sentence, Samantha entered the Blue Bar.

And was shocked to see Griffin, with an arrow through his cowboy hat, with Muffy in his arms.

The shocking bit was the arrow.

Specifically, the fact that a piece of paper was attached to it.

And that Samantha actually summoned up the bravery to roll her eyes, walk over to the arrow, and pull it out of Griffin's hat. Following this courageous act, she removed the piece of paper from the arrow and began to quietly read it out loud to herself.

"Heeeey, Sammy! If you're reading this, then good for you- you've just jumped a gigantic step closer to surviving until your next birthday! Hahaha, I always wanted to say that. Anyway! Gonna come to this blue bar for a drink tonight, an? Great.

The Thief/Rapist/Pimp/Chef/Magician, Steiner." Samantha put down the paper and glared ahead. "Griffin, Muffers, you've got a stakeout."

Twelve hours later, Samantha was dearly regretting this decision. She was sitting in the bar, with Muffy and Griffin, tired since it was late and she'd done a lotta work that day. And there wasn't any alcohol to comfort herself with, either; Muffy and Griffin had dibs on all that. And she hadn't gotten to eat anything, let alone something that tasted nearly as good as the curry she smelled right now...

Wait, curry?

"Griffin!"

"Muffy!"

"Samantha!"

"Do-"

"You-"

"Smell-"

"CURRY!" All three concluded together.

"Well, Muffy, you'll come with me and we'll investigate. Samantha, stay here." Samantha nodded, dazed, as Griffin and Muffy exited the bar. Then she sighed, bored.

"Oh, it's you, beautiful girl. This is destiny that we keep meeting, isn't it, Samantha?" A tingle went down Samantha's back, and she slowly turned around, to see... Steiner. In all his glory.

"What is destiny? Perhaps merely an explanation for what happens to us that is inevitable..."

"I just love hearing such things from a beautiful maiden... But honestly, where have all of those plates of curry rice left in the valley where I hang out at night come from?"

"I put one out there for Murray."

"And the other one?"

"Gift for the Harvest Sprites."

"They live in a tree, you know. And the third one?"

"Starving thieves need to eat, even if they're jackasses."

"And all the others?"

"...Let me work on an explanation."

"Oh, and while you're thinking of one, will you tell me why you've taken all of the roses and chocolate I left you?" If Samantha had been drinking soda right then, she would have spit it out all over his face. As it was, all she could do was open and close her mouth like a fish and blush violently.

"How did you find out about that?"

"I have my ways. But I'm wasting time. Now, if you don't mind... I'd like a drink." He took a step toward the refrigerator.

"NOOOO!" Samantha leapt toward Steiner and… Well, she was trying to tackle him, but any spectators would have though she was glomping him. Steiner took her off his shoulders and placed her on the ground.

"Dear me. I'm afraid I'm going to have to force you to be obedient..." He took a laser pointer out of his pocket and directed the red dot on Samantha's forehead.

A moment later, she jumped.

A moment after that, she was suspended midair.

"What the... I can't move!"

"That's the point, dollface. Now I'm getting a drink." He walked over to the fridge and started rummaging through the bottles.

"Steiner... Why do you steal?"

"Ha! That's bull."

"No, seriously, why do you such take joy in villainy?" Steiner stopped for a moment.

"Maybe you have a point, _princapasa_. Whatever. It's pointless, trying to teach a hottie like me morals. Perhaps if you catch me, you can teach me, an?" He winked at Samantha and continued to rummage. Finally finding a bottle he liked, he picked it up and put it in his pocket, then ran to the door. He stood there, paused.

"Um… forgetting something?" Samantha snapped. She would have looked seriously miffed if she had the ability to move any facial muscles at that moment. Steiner looked confused.

"Heavens, no. Sayonara!" Steiner skipped out the door. While Samantha was still inanimate. And not a moment too soon, for here came Griffin and Muffy.

"We couldn't find the source of the curry- SAMMY! What happened to you?"  
"Aaaack…"

In the end, it took no less then listening to Darryl rant about pumpkins for twenty minutes, Rock hitting on the Witch Princess, and hiring Samantha's cousin Joey to find sixty Harvest Sprites to unfreeze Samantha. And yet…

The next day, Finest Curry was left in the valley.  
And the day after, it was replaced by a Godiva chocolate square.


End file.
